17 March 2024

It’s been a pretty mixed week – a fair bit of rain and lots of mud all of which seems to cling to Daisy when she comes home from her walks. Thank goodness for the new, outdoor mixer tap! We’ve also had some lovely periods with sunshine with clouds scudding across the skies, all the while remaining very mild. As for me it’s a case, once again, of good day, bad day, good day, bad day, etc. It seems that I will need to seek a second opinion – Dr Google assured me that my sciatic symptoms would disappear after four to six weeks. Sadly, that has turned out not to be the case. I’m afraid my lovely, magnificent carer is getting just about as fed up as I am!

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17 March 2024 – Amusements

A sailor came home from a year-long deployment only to find his wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge.

“Was it my friend Sam?” he demanded.

“No!” his weeping wife replied.

“Was it my friend Jim then?” he asked.

“NO!” she said even more upset.

“Well, which one of my no-good friends did this then?” he yelled.

“Don’t you think I have any friends of my own?” she screamed.

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3 March 2024

Good day, bad day, bad day, good day, bad, bad, bad, day, etc. And so it goes on. Dr Google only has about another week for his prognosis to be accurate. To be fair though, he/she did say “most people’s symptoms” disappear after four to six weeks. I’m not holding my breath. I have an appointment with a consultant at the end of this week so we’ll see where that takes us.

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3 March 2024 – Amusements

A salesman telephoned a household and a four-year-old answered.

Salesman: May I speak to your mother?

Child: She is not here.

Salesman: Well, is anyone else there?

Child: My sister

Salesman: O.K., fine. May I speak to her?

Child: I guess so.

There was a long silence on the other phone. Then:

Child: Hello?

Salesman: It’s you. I thought you were going to call your sister.

Child: I did. The trouble is: I can’t get her out of the playpen.

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25 February 2024

Good day, bad day, even worse day, better day, not bad day, bad day, etc. I think the sciatica pain is a case of peaks and troughs – some days I think there is definitely an improvement and other days I think this is worse than ever! Still, on the whole, I think we are making gradual progress and perhaps Dr Google’s prediction of four to six weeks will turn out to be about right. Fingers crossed.

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25 February 2024 – Amusements

The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning.

I said to her, “If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff.”

“Now why would you want me to do something like that?” she asked.

“I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don’t want some scumbag using my stuff.”

She looked at me and said: “What makes you think I’d marry another scumbag?”

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18 February 2024

We’ve had quite a few nice days with some reasonably bright and clear skies and Spring-like temperatures. In mid-February. What’s that about? Lady Penelope was even out pruning roses the other day. Me? I’m still more or less confined to quarters with the sciatica pain. Small improvements – it seems to go from “not bad” to “unbelievably bad” to “not too bad” before reverting to “brutal” again. Nights are the worst, of course. There seems to be no position in which I can get comfortable.

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18 February 2024 – Amusements

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship. 

‘How do you feel about sex?’ he asked, rather tentatively.

‘I would like it infrequently’ she replied. 

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered, ‘Is that one word or two?’

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