Wow! Has it turned autumnal all of a sudden. Anyone would think that the summer was over. (What summer, I hear you ask, but to be fair it’s not been a complete washout). The evenings are getting darker earlier, the mornings are “brisk” and the swallows/house martins have vacated the premises, beginning their journey to the warm winter weather. I guess we might get a bit of an Indian summer before we leave for China? Let’s hope so. Continue reading
Two older, successful businessmen met at a resort. One who had recently retired was describing his life, “I get up late in the morning, have a light breakfast and then I lie down on my veranda for a few hours and relax.
In the afternoon I go inside for lunch, have a great salad, fruits and cold fish, then I spend the rest of the afternoon boating or playing golf or tennis.
When it starts to get dark I have a great dinner with a nice bottle of wine. I smoke a Cuban cigar. Then I go lie on my veranda again.”
The other gentleman acknowledges that this is a life to be envied. Later he reported the conversation to his wife. She asked, “What’s his wife’s name?”
Her husband said, “I’m not sure, but I think it’s Veranda.” Continue reading
Last Saturday was the Moreton Pinkney Gardening Club’s 75th Annual Horticultural Show. Everyone is encouraged to enter produce, flowers, baked goods, etc. into the competition which raises a bit of money for the village. Last year we were away in China when it took place although I did bake a moderately mediocre loaf of sourdough which I asked a couple of neighbours to enter on my behalf. They did but sadly it failed to win any awards although they said it was very tasty and they had thoroughly enjoyed its consumption. Continue reading
The police officer approaches the driver, “When I saw you driving down the road, I guessed 55 at least.”
The lady driver looks at the officer and replies, “You’re wrong, officer, it’s only my hat that makes me look that old.” Continue reading
There is a tradition in the UK – bank holidays will always be spoiled by the most miserable weather imaginable. Folks look forward especially to the August Bank Holiday weekend which represents one last “hurrah” before school starts back at the beginning of September. Villages organise fetes and other activities and untold millions migrate to the beach to spend the day huddling under what little shelter they can find while their toddlers and young children splash at the water’s edge gradually turning blue with the cold. Continue reading
My friend asked his father-in-law, a crop duster, how his day had gone.
“I had just the worst day,” replied the man. “This morning I was up in my plane dusting a field when I nicked a power line and damaged the wing on the plane. When I got back to the office, my boss chewed me out. Then the guy from the FAA chewed me out.
“On my way home, I stopped at a bar and was handed a warm beer. So I yelled at the bartender, ‘Don’t you have any cold beer?!’
“The bartender said, ‘Sorry, but we’ve been out of electricity all day ever since some idiot crop-duster hit a power line down the road.'” Continue reading
What a busy, busy week! It’s been non-stop and we’ve even had to pull through some double-headers in our social calendar. Whew! I need a rest. Continue reading
Last week we brought you the ten “funniest” jokes at the Edinburgh Fringe as determined by the Guardian. This week, the top 15 funniest jokes at the fringe as determined by a public vote. Judge for yourselves.
- “I’m not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change.” Ken Cheng
- “Trump’s nothing like Hitler. There’s no way he could write a book.” Frankie Boyle
- “I’ve given up asking rhetorical questions. What’s the point?” Alexei Sayle
- “I’m looking for the girl-next-door type. I’m just gonna keep moving house till I find her.” Lew Fitz
- “I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the ‘brella’. But he hesitated.” Andy Field
- “Combine Harvesters. And you’ll have a really big restaurant.” Mark Simmons
- “I’m rubbish with names. It’s not my fault, it’s a condition. There’s a name for it …” Jimeoin
- “I have two boys, five and six. We’re no good at naming things in our house.” Ed Byrne
- “I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died … which was lucky, because he trod on a landmine.” Olaf Falafel
- “Whenever someone says, ‘I don’t believe in coincidences’, I say, ‘Oh my God, me neither!’” Alasdair Beckett-King
- “A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men’s singles event.” Angela Barnes
- “As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting, but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer.” Adele Cliff
- “For me, dying is a lot like going camping. I don’t want to do it.” Phil Wang
- “I wonder how many chameleons snuck on to the Ark.” Adam Hess
- “I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act.” Tim Vine
Another good week – what are the chances of that? We had our third consecutive Annabubble Double Header Sleep-over and survived largely intact. So, fortunately, did she. We also enjoyed an outing to the big city to join up with some friends for the Royal Academy Summer Show. Good fun all round. Continue reading
Rather than trawling the internet for the usual collection of feeble amusements, this week we bring you the 10 Best Jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe as determined by the Guardian:
Robert Garnham: Insomnia is awful. But on the plus side – only three more sleeps till Christmas.
Dan Antopolski: Centaurs shop at Topman. And Bottomhorse.
Paul Savage: Oregon leads America in both marital infidelity and clinical depression. What a sad state of affairs.
Caroline Mabey: I’m very conflicted by eye tests. I want to get the answers right but I really want to win the glasses.
Athena Kugblenu: Relationships are like mobile phones. You’ll look at your iPhone 5 and think, it used to be a lot quicker to turn this thing on.
Evelyn Mok: My vagina is kind of like Wales. People only visit ironically.
Phil Wang: In the bedroom, my girlfriend really likes it when I wear a suit, because she’s got this kinky fantasy where I have a proper job.
Gráinne Maguire: The Edinburgh fringe is such a bubble. I asked a comedian what they thought about the North Korea nuclear missile crisis and they asked what venue it was on in.
John-Luke Roberts: How did the Village People meet? They obviously led such different lives.
Olaf Falafel: If you’re being chased by a pack of taxidermists, do not play dead.