Well, that’s certainly been one heck of a week! Unseasonably mild weather (15 degrees C or just under 60 degrees F – in mid-November!) and also the week the wheels finally fell off the Prime Minister’s Brexit Bus. Oh my goodness. Continue reading
A homeowner was delighted with the way the painter had done all the work on his house. “You did a great job.” he said and handed the man a check. “Also, as a bonus, here’s an extra $100 to take the missus out to dinner and a movie.”
Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the painter. “What’s the matter,” asked the homeowner, “did you forget something?”
“Nope.” replied the painter. “I’m just here to take your missus out to dinner and a movie like you asked.” Continue reading
Another week is in the books – what are the chances of that? It’s been largely grey, damp and dreary but still moderately temperate for the time of year. The weather people say, though, that we are in for a “Polar Vortex” in the coming days which apparently is going to be as horrid as it sounds. What with that and the nights increasingly closing in we feel the need (or at least I do) to consider hibernation as a strategy for getting through the winter. Continue reading
Two people walk into a gas station.
The first one says, “These prices are awful. They just keep going higher!”
The second replies, “It doesn’t affect me at all. I always put in just $20 worth.”
Wayne was returning home from a business trip, bags in hand, and slowly making his way to his vehicle in the crowded airport garage. Suddenly a large dark car screeched to a stop in front of Wayne, and the driver pointed menacingly at him. “Get in,” the driver ordered. “I’ll take you to your car.”
Startled, Wayne took a step backward. “Ah…no thanks,” he answered. “I can get there myself.”
“No!” the man barked back as he threw open his passenger side door. “Get in!”
Wayne’s eyes now darted around the garage, hoping to find a security guard.
Just then, the driver’s face softened. “Please,” he said, “I’ve been driving up and down for two hours. I can’t find a space to park, and I want yours.”
My girlfriend told me to take a spider out instead of killing it. So we went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer.
When my wife gets upset, sometimes a simple ‘Calm down, Honey’ in a soothing voice is all it takes to get her a lot more upset.
A tolerably tolerable week. We’ve had some seriously glorious bright sunny days albeit a bit “fresh”, i.e., freezing. Not much to write about this week – I guess we are entering our winter hibernation period. Continue reading
A newly married sailor was informed by the navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year. A few weeks after he got there he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter. “My love,” he wrote “we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I’m starting to miss you and there’s really not much to do here in the evenings. Besides that we’re constantly surrounded by young attractive native girls. Do you think if I had a hobby of some kind I would not tempted?”
So his wife sent him back a harmonica saying, “Why don’t you learn to play this?”
Eventually his tour of duty came to an end and he rushed back to his wife. “Darling” he said, “I can’t wait to get you into bed so that we make passionate love!”
“First let’s see you play that harmonica!” Continue reading
Another pretty decent week. More progress on Number One Wood End – we’re in the home stretch – just as the weather seems also to be in the home stretch, the end of summer and the arrival of autumn/winter.
Frequent hand washing in my job as a medical technologist and the harsh weather combined give me very dry skin.
One night as I prepared for bed, I rubbed my hands with petroleum jelly and covered them with an old pair of white gloves. As I sat in bed reading a book with my gloves on, my husband finished showering and came into the room wearing a towel.
Drying himself off, he went to the closet, selected a tie and put it on. “What are you doing?” I asked.
“Well,” he replied, “if you are going to be formal. So am I.” Continue reading
Welcome back! Whew, we’ve been busy.
A man finds a lamp. He rubs it and a Genie emerges. The Genie tells him he will be granted three wishes. The man thinks for a moment and says, “First, give me a bottomless mug of beer.”
A mug of beer appears in his hand. He sips it once, then again and the mug is magically refilled. The man is thrilled and continues to drink. The mug never empties.
Then the Genie says, “And what about your other two wishes?”
The guy thinks for a moment and says, “Give me two more just like this one!” Continue reading