The Moreton Pinkney Picayune

Greg's Occasional News & Views

14 July 2019 – Amusements

A car full of Irish nuns are sitting at a traffic light in down town Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them. “Hey, show us yer teets, ya bloody penguins!” shouts one of the drunks.

Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, “I don’t think they know who we are; show them your cross.”

Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, “Piss off, ya fookin’ little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!”

Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, “Did that sound cross enough?” Continue reading

7 July 2019

Having complained for weeks about our crappy weather I guess I must commend it when it proves to be delightful. So, just to set the record straight, we have had some gloriously sunny days over the past week with the occasional scorcher of a day thrown in. Lovely.

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7 July 2019 – Amusements

Murphy and his wife went for a stroll in the park. They sit down on a bench to rest for a while. Soon they overhear voices coming from a secluded spot nearby. Suddenly, Mrs. Murphy realizes that a young man is about to propose. Not wanting to be eavesdropping during such an intimate moment, she gently nudges her husband and whispers, “Whistle, to let that young couple know that someone can hear them.”

To which Murphy replies, “Whistle? Why should I whistle? Nobody whistled to warn me?” Continue reading

30 June 2019

Short and sweet this week! Off to London this afternoon to see the second of the two Red Sox – Yankee games at the Olympic Stadium. Our dear friends Chip and Leca Boynton are with us, the weather has been marvellously co-operative, the kitchen extension is battened and felted ready for slating and we’ve even enjoyed a few meals al fresco. What a difference a few days can make. Continue reading

30 June 2019 – Amusements

Part of my job as a 911 dispatcher is to interrogate callers who are in various states of panic so I can send the appropriate emergency equipment.

One day a woman called to say that a family member had fallen and needed to go to a hospital. After finding out where she lived and assuring her that the paramedics would arrive shortly, I asked her, “Do you know what caused the fall?”

“No,” the woman nervously replied. “What?” Continue reading

23 June 2019

Quite a productive week in a couple of key areas even though the weather has continued to be less than magnificent. Longest day of the year yesterday so it’s all downhill from here.

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23 June 2019 – Amusements

Our Supply Clerk at the factory where I work, discovered a box that was left on the loading dock with this warning printed on it: DANGER DO NOT TOUCH!

Management was called and all employees were told to stay clear of the box until it could be analysed.

When the foreman arrived, he donned gloves and safety glasses, and then, very carefully opened the box. Inside were 250 signs that read: DANGER! DO NOT TOUCH! Continue reading

16 June 2019

What a miserable, miserable, miserable rainy week. The rain started almost the moment we walked through the door on our return from St Ives last week and I don’t think it’s relented for more than about ten minutes since. It is wet, wet, wet! Continue reading

16 June 2019 – Amusements

In the British documentary 56 Up, a man shared that he had earned a law degree at Oxford. Then, in his thick English accent, he proudly proclaimed that he was now a “barrister.”

My 13-year-old daughter wasn’t impressed. “So,” she said, “he spent all that effort getting an Oxford law degree, and now he works at Starbucks?” Continue reading

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