Well, it’s been another quiet week – quelle surprise! I am pleased to say, though, that the village is medicated (the local drug dealer visited numerous properties during the week), the bike keeps us both busy, (in my case up steep and never-ending climbs from le Tour de France), we survived the worst that Storm Christoph could throw at us, we had a pleasant walk along a nearby canal on the one calm, sunny day we had this week and joyfully witnessed the departure of the stench of Washington and the inauguration of a new, more grown-up President of the United States. And, we celebrated Burns’ Night with a Zoom dinner last night with the rest of the village. So, for it being another quiet week, we seem to have been pretty busy! How does that work?Continue reading “24 January 2021”
A man and his friend were exiting a drugstore and at the front door there was a scale.
“Look, a scale,” the man said to his friend. “Let’s see how my new diet is working out.”
He stepped on the scale.
“I can’t believe it!” he said as he read the result. “I’ve been on this diet for two weeks but the scale says I’m heavier than I was before! How can that be?”
He pondered this as he stepped off the scale, then had a thought. He took off his jacket and handed it to his friend. “Here, hold my jacket,” he said.
The friend took the jacket as the man stepped back on the scale.
Not much change.
“Here,” he said as he handed his purchase from the drugstore to his friend. “Hold my Twinkies too.”Continue reading “24 January 2021 – Amusements”
You will be astonished to hear that things have been pretty quiet this week! What are the chances of that? We’re in the midst of our third lockdown, of course, and therefore we’ve been pretty much confined to quarters apart from the highlight of our weekly routines – delivering medications around the village on Tuesdays and Thursdays! Comme c’est excitant!Continue reading “17 January 2021”
Things That Are Difficult to Say When You’re Drunk:
Indubitably; Innovative; Preliminary; Proliferation; Cinnamon.
Things That Are VERY Difficult to Say When You’re Drunk:
Specificity; Cogito ergo sum; British; Constitution; Passive-aggressive disorder; Loquacious; Transubstantiate.
Things That Are Downright IMPOSSIBLE to Say When You’re Drunk:
Thanks, but I don’t want to have sex; Nope, no more booze for me; Sorry, but you’re not really my type; Good evening, officer, isn’t it lovely out tonight? Oh, I just couldn’t– no one wants to hear me sing!
Sorry, but you could not make it up.
And, for once I am not talking about the egregious incompetence of our Prime Minister’s response to the coronavirus pandemic, nor even the shambolic misadventure that is Brexit and the catalogue of unintended consequences which are now becoming evident. Although there was more content than I could possibly make use of this week in both those categories, this week’s ultimate WTF moment was clearly Wednesday’s storming of Congress by Trump’s militia.Continue reading “10 January 2021”
I was in a couple’s home trying to fix their Internet connection. The husband called out to his wife in the other room for the computer password. “Start with a capital S, then 123,” she shouted back.
We tried S123 several times, but it didn’t work. So we called the wife in. As she input the password, she muttered, “I really don’t know what’s so difficult about typing ‘Start123.'”Continue reading “10 January 2021 – Amusements”
And a Happy New Year to you all! As usual, we were fast asleep long before midnight and therefore missed, apparently, a smattering of rockets and fireworks and someone playing the bagpipes in the village. That was a narrow escape then.
It’s been a decent enough week – cold to be sure and we even had some snow. A few flakes. Four, I think. Continue reading “3 January 2021”
If you’re singing Christmas songs on your neighbor’s lawn at night with your church group, it’s called “Carolling.”
But if you’re doing it alone with no pants on, it’s called “drunk and disorderly.” Continue reading “3 January 2021 – Amusements”
What a great week – what are the chances of that? We had Garden Club organised and sanctioned socially-distanced Christmas frivolities, we celebrated a magnificent birthday with a local old geezer, enjoyed an outing to some Christmas lights and had as merry a Christmas as possible under the present circumstances. Hope yours was similarly as enjoyable as it might be in the current nightmare.
And, we have a Brexit Deal with our evil enemies in the European Union – hooray! Continue reading “27 December 2020”
This from my friend Julie.
Just in case anyone needs some lessons about governments…
The king wanted to go fishing and he asked the royal weather forecaster the forecast for the next few hours.
The palace meteorologist assured him that there was no chance of rain.
So the king and the queen went fishing…
On the way he met a man with a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and he asked the man if the fish were biting.
The fisherman said, “Your Majesty, you should return to the palace! In just a short time I expect a huge rain storm.”
The king replied: “I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an educated and experienced professional. Besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him.”
So the king continued on his way, however, in a short time a torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked.
Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the meteorologist.
Then he summoned the fisherman and offered him the prestigious position of royal forecaster.
The fisherman said, “Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey.
If I see my donkey’s ears drooping, it means with certainty that… it will rain.”
So the king hired the donkey.
And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in influential positions of government.
The practice is unbroken to this date and is especially prevalent in the UK. Continue reading “27 December 2020 – Amusements”