Another wet, damp, dismal and dreary week, just for a change. The weather people say, though, that this coming week should be much better – here’s hoping.
Jackdaws (and crows generally) are very clever birds. I suspect that the one(s) which found themselves down our dining room fireplace learned never to attempt to build a nest on a chimney pot again, or at least not on our dining room chimney pot. What a shame that the humans who inhabit the place were not smart enough to do something about the chimney before the second batch of jackdaws made their way down. Continue reading
“Hello! Is this Gordon’s Pizza?”
“No sir, it’s Google’s Pizza.”
“Did I dial the wrong number?
“No sir, Google bought the pizza store.”
“Oh, alright then. I’d like to place an order please.”
“Okay sir, do you want the usual?”
“The usual? You know what my usual is?”
“According to the caller ID, the last 15 times you’ve ordered a 12-slice with double-cheese, sausage, and thick crust.”
“Okay, that’s what I want this time too.”
“May I suggest that this time you order an 8-slice with ricotta, arugula, and tomato instead?”
“No, I hate vegetables.”
“But your cholesterol is not good.”
“How do you know?”
“Through the subscribers guide. We have the results of your blood tests for the last 7 years.”
“You know what, I’m sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, and everyone else having all my information! I’m going to an island without internet, where there’s no cellphone line, and no one to spy on me!”
“I understand sir. But you may want to renew your passport… it expired 5 weeks ago.” Continue reading
Thursday was one of those days you dream about in the dark dismal depths of winter and/or during the rain-sodden days of early spring. It was bright, clear and, most importantly, dry. This is in marked contrast to the rest of the week – we’ve had more rain this week than Noah. It has been relentless and the area has even experienced some local flooding, something which we don’t see too often around here. So, Thursday’s splendid beauty was very welcome indeed. Unfortunately, that was merely a brief respite – more rain!
A young couple honeymooning in Las Vegas were down to their last two dollars. The groom told the bride that he had a feeling that he could turn the two bucks into a fortune if he went down to the casino alone.
Once in the casino, he put one dollar each into two slot machines and won Jackpots on both totalling $10,000. He then played blackjack for an hour until he had $50,000 in chips. Next, he played poker and upped his winnings to $100,000.
He was about to cash in his chips when he got a hunch that his luck hadn’t run out. So he took all his money and placed it on Black at the roulette table, hoping to double his money. But the ball came up Red. He returned to his hotel room.
“How did you do?” asked the bride.
The groom shrugged and said, “I lost two dollars.” Continue reading
A mixed week – some very pleasant and even warm sunny afternoons and more wind and rain from any of the various Beasts from the East. It was so pleasant on Monday that we spent the afternoon in the garden, wrestling with and ripping out vegetation. Very satisfying, I’m sure.
A lady moved from Phoenix to Seattle and when she arrived it was raining. While she moved in, it rained. The next day it rained, and the next, and then the next.
After several rainy days, while standing on her porch, she noticed a young boy on the porch of her neighbor’s house. Trying not to sound too depressed, in a cheerful voice she called over to the lad, “Hi son, I’m your new neighbor.”
“Hi,” the boy called back and waved.
“Say, son, does it ever stop raining here?” she asked.
With a look of consternation, the youngster replied, “Lady, how would I know? I’m only six years old!” Continue reading
Good morning. It’s been a tolerably tolerable week. The temperatures are certainly higher than they were a week ago – indeed, we’ve reached double figures on a couple of occasions! No rain, sleet or snow to ruin our days but the wind is still streaming in with a vengeance which makes it feel as if it’s colder than it really is. Hey, ho. Now that Spring is officially here we’re looking forward to basking in warm sunshine any day now. Continue reading
Bad weather meant I was stuck overnight at O’Hare airport in Chicago. Along with hotel accommodations, the airline issued each passenger a $10 meal ticket, or “chit.” That evening after dinner I presented my meal ticket to the cashier.
“Is this chit worth $10?” I asked.
Looking up nervously, the cashier responded, “I’m sorry, sir. Was the meal really that bad?” Continue reading
Hopefully, this latest little flurry of snow will be the last of the season – is that too much to ask? We had a couple of positively Spring-like days in the week but the Mini Beast from the East arrived overnight on Friday/Saturday. The temperature plunged and we were dusted with a smattering of snow – those clever folks at the Met Office tell us we’ll get to keep these lovely freezing temperatures until the middle of the week. That’s OK, I guess as long as that really is the end of it. It’s time!
A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “I welcome you into the family!” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I am making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operation.”
The son-in-law interrupted. “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”
“I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”
“I hate office work,” said the son-in-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk.”
“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you half owner of a money-making industry, but you don’t like factories, and won’t work in an office. What am I going to do with you?”
“Easy,” said the son-in-law. “Buy me out.” Continue reading