29 November 2015 – Amusements

These came from our friend Erik Benson.

If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.

~Jay Leno~

The problem with political jokes is they get elected.

~Henry Cate, VII~

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office


If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn’t be any inducement to go to heaven.

~Will Rogers~

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.

~Nikita Khrushchev~

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it.

~Clarence Darrow~

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.

~Author unknown~

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.

~John Quinton~

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.

~Oscar Ameringer~

I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them.

~Adlai Stevenson, 1952~

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.

~ Tex Guinan~

I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.

~Charles de Gaulle~

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.

~Doug Larson~

There ought to be one day — just one — when there is open season on Congressmen.

~Will Rogers~

Points to Ponder:

– We love to shop for new clothes, but we don’t realize that the best moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.

– Having a cold drink on hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after a few drinks is priceless.

– Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by his girlfriend’s husband.

– Arguing over a woman’s breast size is like choosing between Spaten, Heineken, Carlsberg or Budweiser. Men may claim preferences, but they’ll grab whatever’s handy.

Things I never learned in high school:

  1. What taxes are.
  2. How to do taxes.
  3. How to vote.
  4. Anything to do with banking.
  5. How to buy a car or a house.

But I’m so glad I know the fucking Pythagorean Theorem!


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