For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at a country inn. The last time he’d finally managed an affair with the innkeeper’s daughter.
When it was finally time for his annual vacation, he headed to the inn with hopes of continuing where he left off.
After he arrived, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover next to his door — with an infant on her lap!
“Brittany, why didn’t you write when you learned you were pregnant?” he cried. “I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!”
“Well,” she said, “when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin’ and talkin’, and finally decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer.”
One day at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skin-tight miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn’t get her foot high enough to reach the first step.
Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn’t reach the step.
So she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn’t reach the step.
So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl was now mortified, and turned around furiously and told the man off. “How dare you touch my body that way,” she yelled. “I don’t even know you!”
Shocked, the man says, “Well, ma’am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly for the third time, I kinda figured that we must be pretty good friends.”
Our friend Julie in Australia sent this along:
A police officer called the station on his radio.
“I have a serious problem here,” he said. “A little 80 year-old lady just shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped.”
“Have you arrested the woman?”
“Not yet. The floor’s still wet.”