A C-141 cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland, and they were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft’s sewage holding tank.
The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out.
When the commander berated the Airman for his slowness and promised punishment, the Airman responded:
“Sir, I have no stripes, it is 20 below zero, I’m stationed in Thule, and I am pumping sewage out of airplanes. Just what are you going to do to punish me?”
A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor’s dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours.
The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, “I’ve had enough of this!” and she goes downstairs.
She finally comes back up to bed and her husband asks, “The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?”
The blonde says, “I put the dog in our backyard. Let’s see how THEY like it!”
I think the last time I used some of these I remarked that I’ve worked with several folk who fit these descriptions.
Supervisors, managers, professors, teachers and others (such as parents) frequently are challenged with formulating performance evaluations. Although you may search for words to convey your thoughts to one person or another, the following may provide some basis to begin the task:
Subject: Quotes from Employee Evaluation Forms
These individual quotes were allegedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations in a large US Corporation.
(1) “Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom…and has started to dig.”
(2) “His men would follow him anywhere…but only out of morbid curiosity.”
(3) “I would not allow this employee to breed.”
(4) “This employee is really not so much of a ‘has-been’, but more of a definite ‘won’t be’.”
(5) “Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.”
(6) “When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.”
(7) “He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.”
(8) “This young lady has delusions of adequacy.”
(9) “He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.”
(10) “This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.”
(11) “This employee should go far…and the sooner he starts, the better.”
(12) “Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.”
(13) “A gross ignoramus – 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.”
(14) “He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless.”
(15) “He doesn’t have ulcers, but he’s a carrier.”
(16) “I would like to go hunting with him sometime.”
(17) “He’s been working with glue too much.”
(18) “He would argue with a signpost.”
(19) “He has a knack for making strangers immediately.”
(20) “He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.”
(21) “When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.”
(22) “If you see two people talking and one looks bored…he’s the other one.”
(23) “A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.”
(24) “A prime candidate for natural deselection.”
(25) “Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.”
(26) “Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.”
(27) “Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.”
(28) “If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.”
(29) “If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.”
(30) “If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans.”
(31) “It’s hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the egg.”
(32) “One neuron short of a synapse.”
(33) “Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.”
(34) “Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.”
(35) “The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead” .
(36) “Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t watching”
(37) “A room temperature IQ.”
(38) “As bright as Alaska in December”
(39) “She’s so dense, light bends around her”