I know it’s old, but uncannily accurate . . .
One day The Lord came to Adam to pass on some news.
“I’ve got some good news and some bad news,” The Lord told him.
Adam looked at The Lord and said, “Well, give me the good news first.”
Smiling, The Lord explained, “I’ve got two new organs for you, one is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things, and have intelligent conversations with Eve.”
“Wonderful!” Adam said. “Thank you. What is the second organ?”
“The other organ,” God continued, “is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children.”
Adam, very excited, exclaimed, “These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?”
The Lord looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, “The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time….”
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog Skipper had recently died.
“You know,” Mom said, “it’s not so bad. Skipper’s probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God.”
Susie stopped crying and asked, “What would God want with a dead dog?”
Jim’s doctor tells him he has only one day to live. When Jim goes home to share the bad news with his wife, she asks what he wants to do with the little bit of time he has left.
“All I want,” Jim tells his beloved wife, “is to spend my last few hours reliving our honeymoon.” Which is exactly what they did.
But after hours of blissful romance, she announces that she’s tired and wants to go to sleep.
“Oh, come on,” Jim whispers in her ear, “one more time.”
“Look,” his wife snaps, “I’ve got to get up in the morning. You don’t!”