A young, southern buck went to Las Vegas. Sitting in a cocktail lounge, and sipping on some bourbon, he beckoned the waitress and said quietly, “Miss, y’all sure are a luvly, luvly lady. Can ah persuade y’all to give me a piece of ass?”
“Wow, that’s the most direct proposition I’ve ever had!” gasped the girl.
Then she looked around the room, smiled and said, “Sure, why not? You’re an attractive guy, and it’s pretty slow here right now, so why don’t we just slip away up to your room?”
When they returned half an hour later, the man sat down at the same table and the waitress smiled at him and asked, “Will there be anything else?”
“Why yes,” replied the southern gentleman. “Ah sure ‘preciate what y’all just did for me. It was real sweet and right neighbourly of y’all. But where ah come from in Alabama, we lak our bourbon cold, so ah still need a piece o’ ass for mah drink.”
I think we’ve had this before . . .
A man was going door-to-door doing a sexual survey when he walked up to one man’s door, “Excuse me, Sir, how many times a week do you sleep with your wife?”
“Three times,” the man said without hesitation.
“Hmm, that is once more often than your neighbor,” the survey taker said, making a note.
“That makes sense,” the man replied, “after all, she is MY wife.”
A priest and a rabbi were sitting in adjacent seats on an airplane. After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, “Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?”
The rabbi responded, “Yes, that is still one of our laws.”
The priest then asked, “But have you ever eaten pork?”
“Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and ate a ham sandwich.”
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked, “Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?”
The priest replied, “Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.”
The rabbi then asked him, “And father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?”
The priest reddened, but realized he had brought the whole mess up, so he honestly replied, “Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke the pledge of my faith.”
The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent for several minutes.
Finally the rabbi quietly observed, “Beats the hell out of a ham sandwich, doesn’t it?