A seven-year-old boy is sitting at the dinner table with his parents. Suddenly he announces, “Me and Janie next door are gonna get married!”
“Oh?” says the mother, amused. “And how old is Janie?”
“Six,” replies the boy.
“Well,” says the father, “what are you going to do for money?”
“I get 5 dollars a week allowance,” says the son, “and Janie gets 2. We figured that if we put them together, we’ll be okay.”
“I see,” says the father. “But what are you going to do if you have any children?”
“Well,” says the boy, “so far we’ve been lucky.”
One day a husband says to his wife, “Today is a fine day!” Next day he says it again. “Today is a fine day.” Again next day, he says same thing, “Today is a fine day.”
Finally after a week, the wife asks her husband, “Since last week, you are saying ‘today is a fine day’. I am fed up. What’s the matter?”
“Last week when we had an argument, you said, ‘I will leave you one fine day.’ I was just trying to remind you.”
I can relate to this!
One morning, while shaving, a fellow started cursing and swearing so loudly it attracted the attention of his wife, who was preparing breakfast in the kitchen.
“What’s the matter?” she called out.
“My razor — it won’t cut!” he answered.
“Don’t be silly, dear!” she declared. “You mean to tell me your beard is tougher than linoleum?”