One friend complained to another, “All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I’ve been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds.”
“If it’s that bad, why don’t you just leave him?” asked the second friend.
“I’m seriously considering it, but I’d like to lose another 15 pounds first.”
Eric is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer. Tom walks in and sits down. After trying to start a conversation several times and getting only distracted grunts he asks Eric what the problem is.
“Well,” said Eric, “I ran afoul of one of those trick questions women ask. Now I’m in deep trouble at home.”
“What kind of question?” asked Tom.
“My wife asked me if I would still love her if when she was old, fat and ugly.”
“That’s easy,” said Tom. “You just say ‘Of course I will'”.
“Yeah,” said Eric, “That’s what I did, except I said, ‘Of course I DO….'”
I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative phoned asking me to take part in a door-to-door fund-raising effort.
“Sorry,” I replied, “but I’ve been incapacitated.”
Undaunted, the caller kept trying to convince me to change my mind and volunteer.
I interrupted and said, “I’m incapacitated. Do you know what that means?”
She hesitated. “It means your head was cut off?”