On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the under ground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them.
“What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?” I joked.
“It would go out,” he replied very matter-of-factly.
“Really?” I asked, surprised to hear that. “Is there a lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?”
“No,” my co-worker continued. “The force from the explosion would most likely blow it out.”
“The thrill is gone from my marriage,” Bill told his friend Doug.
“Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?” Doug suggested.
“I just don’t think I can do that to my wife.”
“Heck, this is a new age we live in, Bill. Go ahead and tell her about it!”
So Bill went home and said, “Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together.”
“Forget it,” said his wife. “I’ve tried it so many times and it’s never worked.”
Late one Saturday evening, I was awakened by the ringing of my phone. In a sleepy grumpy voice I said hello. The party on the other end of the line paused for a moment before rushing breathlessly into a lengthy speech.
“Mom, this is Susan and I’m sorry I woke you up, but I had to call because I’m going to be a little late getting home. See, Dad’s car has a flat but it’s not my fault. Honest! I don’t know what happened. The tire just went flat while we were inside the theater. Please don’t be mad, okay?”
Since I don’t have any daughters, I knew the person had dialed my number by mistake. “I’m sorry dear,” I replied, “but you’ve reached the wrong number. I don’t have a daughter named Susan.”
“Wow, Mom,” the young woman’s voice replied. “I didn’t think you’d be this mad.”