2 April 2017 – Amusements

My sister explained to my nephew how his voice would eventually change as he grew up.

Tyler was exuberant at the prospect.

“Cool!” he said. “I hope I get a German accent.”

Daughter: “Mommy, where did I come from?”

Mom: “Sweetheart, you came out from Mommy’s body.”

Daughter: “How exactly?”

Mom: “Well, your head came out first, then your arms, followed by your legs.”

Daughter: (thinking about what she just heard) “How did you assemble them?”

This came from my friend, Julie.

The Clock and St. Peter

A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall with an infinite number of clocks behind him. He asked, “What are all those clocks for?”

St Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone who has ever been on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move”.

“Oh,” said the man. Pointing to one clock he asked, “Whose clock is that?”

“That’s Mother Teresa’s,” replied St Peter. “The hands have never moved, which shows that Mother Teresa never told a lie.”

“Incredible,” said the man. “And whose is that one?” he asked pointing at another clock.

St Peter replied, “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have moved twice, showing that Lincoln told only two lies in his entire life.”

“Amazing,” said the man. “Where’s Donald Trump’s clock?” he then asked.

“We’re using it as a ceiling fan,” St Peter replied.


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