A little boy was waiting for his mother. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, “Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?”
The little boy replied, “Sure! Just go straight down this street two blocks and turn to your right.”
The man thanked the boy kindly and said, “I’m the new pastor in town. I’d like you to come to church on Sunday. I’ll show you how to get to Heaven.”
The little boy replied with a laugh; “You’re kidding me, right? You don’t even know the way to the Post Office.”
When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled through his saved numbers, stopped at “Mom” and pushed send. His mother answered, and I told her what happened.
“Don’t worry,” she said, “I’ll take care of it.”
A few minutes later, the cell phone rang. It was “Mom.”
“Martin,” she said, “you left your cell phone at the convenience store.”
Rhonda’s dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a check. Oh, by the way don’t worry about my bulldog. He won’t bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot! I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!”
When the repairman arrived at Wanda’s apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn’t contain himself any longer and yelled, “Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!”
To which the parrot replied, “Get him, Spike!”