Greg's Occasional News & Views

Monthly Archives: August 2017

27 August 2017 – Amusements

Last week we brought you the ten “funniest” jokes at the Edinburgh Fringe as determined by the Guardian. This week, the top 15 funniest jokes at the fringe as determined by a public vote. Judge for yourselves.

  1. “I’m not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change.” Ken Cheng
  2. “Trump’s nothing like Hitler. There’s no way he could write a book.” Frankie Boyle
  3. “I’ve given up asking rhetorical questions. What’s the point?” Alexei Sayle
  4. “I’m looking for the girl-next-door type. I’m just gonna keep moving house till I find her.” Lew Fitz
  5. “I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the ‘brella’. But he hesitated.” Andy Field
  6. “Combine Harvesters. And you’ll have a really big restaurant.” Mark Simmons
  7. “I’m rubbish with names. It’s not my fault, it’s a condition. There’s a name for it …” Jimeoin
  8. “I have two boys, five and six. We’re no good at naming things in our house.” Ed Byrne
  9. “I wasn’t particularly close to my dad before he died … which was lucky, because he trod on a landmine.” Olaf Falafel
  10. “Whenever someone says, ‘I don’t believe in coincidences’, I say, ‘Oh my God, me neither!’” Alasdair Beckett-King
  11. “A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men’s singles event.” Angela Barnes
  12. “As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting, but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer.” Adele Cliff
  13. “For me, dying is a lot like going camping. I don’t want to do it.” Phil Wang
  14. “I wonder how many chameleons snuck on to the Ark.” Adam Hess
  15. “I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act.” Tim Vine

 

 

20 August 2017

Another good week – what are the chances of that? We had our third consecutive Annabubble Double Header Sleep-over and survived largely intact. So, fortunately, did she. We also enjoyed an outing to the big city to join up with some friends for the Royal Academy Summer Show. Good fun all round. Continue reading

20 August 2017 – Amusements

Rather than trawling the internet for the usual collection of feeble amusements, this week we bring you the 10 Best Jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe as determined by the Guardian:

Robert Garnham: Insomnia is awful. But on the plus side – only three more sleeps till Christmas.

Dan Antopolski: Centaurs shop at Topman. And Bottomhorse.

Paul Savage: Oregon leads America in both marital infidelity and clinical depression. What a sad state of affairs.

Caroline Mabey: I’m very conflicted by eye tests. I want to get the answers right but I really want to win the glasses.

Athena Kugblenu: Relationships are like mobile phones. You’ll look at your iPhone 5 and think, it used to be a lot quicker to turn this thing on.

Evelyn Mok: My vagina is kind of like Wales. People only visit ironically.

Phil Wang: In the bedroom, my girlfriend really likes it when I wear a suit, because she’s got this kinky fantasy where I have a proper job.

Gráinne Maguire: The Edinburgh fringe is such a bubble. I asked a comedian what they thought about the North Korea nuclear missile crisis and they asked what venue it was on in.

John-Luke Roberts: How did the Village People meet? They obviously led such different lives.

Olaf Falafel: If you’re being chased by a pack of taxidermists, do not play dead.

13 August 2017

So, back to normal, whatever that is. Sister Susie left on Friday morning on her long, long trek back to Portland and we are without any visitors and, perhaps more significantly, without any bookings for the Guest Wing until December! There’s still time to get your reservations in although you will have to be quick. Continue reading

6 August 2017

Sorry for the short and sweet (?) nature of the Picayune this morning. As I wrote last time, we have sister Susie staying with us at the moment and most of you know how demanding she can be! Just kidding – we’ve had a great visit so far and have been out and about exploring our neighbouring stately homes and gardens. We also had Bubble for a couple of nights at the beginning of the week and are looking forward to another set of overnighters this week and next. Continue reading

6 August 2017 – Amusements

The village blacksmith hired an enthusiastic new apprentice willing to work long, hard hours.

He instructed the boy, “When I take the shoe out of the fire, I’ll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer.”

The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now he’s the new village blacksmith. Continue reading

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