10 December 2017 – Amusements
Back at my high school for the tenth reunion, I met my old coach. Walking through the gym, we came upon a plaque on which I was still listed as the record holder for the longest softball throw.
Noticing my surprise, the coach said, “That record will stand forever.”
I was about to make some modest disclaimer that records exist to be broken, when he added, “We stopped holding that event years ago.”
Mary and her friend Jill are sitting by themselves in a bar having a drink. Mary says, “Jill, did you notice there are two guys sitting alone at the bar over there?”
“So?” Jill asks.
“Well, we’re two women sitting alone over here at a table, and there are two men sitting alone at the bar. What do you think that adds up to?”
Jill shrugs her shoulders, “Four losers?”
Pretty sure we’ve had this before . . .
A man walks into a bar and orders three beers.
The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they’re gone.
He then orders three more and the bartender says, “Sir, don’t you like your beer cold? Why don’t you start with one, and I’ll bring you a fresh one as soon as you’re low.”
The man says, “You don’t understand. I have two brothers, one in Austria and one in Ireland. We made a vow to each other when they moved away that every Saturday night, we’d still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three beers too, and we’re drinking together.”
The bartender thinks it’s a wonderful tradition, and every week he sets up the guy’s three beers. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them and then orders two more. The bartender says sadly, “Knowing your tradition, I’d just like to just say that I hope nothing has happened to one of your brothers.”
The man replies, “Oh, my brothers are fine — I just quit drinking.”