Greg's Occasional News & Views

31 December 2017 – Amusements

Today marks the 35th anniversary of the death of Sir Douglas Bader and I couldn’t let it pass without this story about the Royal Air Force hero. He was giving a talk at an upmarket girl’s school about his time as a pilot in the Second World War. “So there were two of the f***ers behind me, three f***ers to my right, and another f***er on the left,” he told the audience.

The headmistress went pale and interjected: “Ladies, the Fokker was a German aircraft.”

Sir Douglas replied, “That is true, madam, but these f***ers were Messerschmitts.


Walking through the hallways at the middle school where I work, I saw a new substitute teacher standing outside his classroom with his forehead against a locker. I heard him mutter, “How did you get yourself into this?”

Knowing he was assigned to a difficult class, I tried to offer moral support. “Are you okay?” I asked. “Can I help?”

He lifted his head and replied, “I’ll be fine as soon as I get this kid out of his locker.”


Arthur was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.

“You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!”

Now Arthur gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.

“How do you know, Sister? Have you ever had a drink yourself? How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?”

“Don’t be ridiculous – of course I have never taken alcohol myself”

“Then let me buy you a drink – if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life”

“How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?”

“I’ll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will know”

The Nun reluctantly agrees, so Arthur goes inside to the bar.

“Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks”, then he lowers his voice and says to the barman “… and could you put the vodka in a teacup?”

“Oh no! It’s not that drunk Nun again is it?”


 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

December 2017
S M T W T F S
« Nov   Jan »
 12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930
31  
Upcoming Events
  • 20 January 2018 – Nick's Birthday
    All Day
  • 5 February 2018 – Karin's Birthday
    All Day
  • 6 February 2018 – Amelie's Birthday
    All Day
  • 7 February 2018 – Jason's Birthday
    All Day
  • 9 February 2018 – Emily's Birthday
    All Day
Archives
Where are the Dodgers?
TeamWLPct.GB
Dodgers10458.642 -
Diamondbacks9369.57411.0
Rockies8775.53717.0
Padres7191.43833.0
Giants6498.39540.0

Last updated: 10/02/2017

Subscribe

Enter your email address to subscribe to the Moreton Pinkney Picayune and receive notifications of new posts by email.