17 June 2018 – Amusements

An important and very well publicised murder trial was soon to begin. In preparation for the trial, the tiresome jury selection process took place, each side hotly contesting and dismissing potential jurors.

One prospective juror, Dan O’Keefe, was called for his question session.

He was asked, “Property holder?”

Dan replied, “Yes, I am, Your Honor.”

Then he was asked, “Married or single?”

Dan responded, “Married for twenty years, Your Honor.”

Then the judge asked, “Formed or expressed an opinion?”

Dan stated with certainty, “Not in twenty years, Your Honor.”


During his physical, a doctor asked his patient about his daily activity level.

The man said, “Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, marched up and down several hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand and took four leaks behind big trees.”

Impressed by the story, the doctor said, “You must be one hell of an outdoors man!”

“Outdoorsman nothing,” replied the man, “I’m just a lousy golfer.”


We’ve had a version of this before but let me tell you – you don’t need to be in your 90s for this to be true.

Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96, live in a house together.

One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts one foot in a pauses.  She yells down the stairs, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?”

The 94-year-old yells back, “I don’t know.  I’ll come up and see.” She starts up the stairs and pauses.  Then she yells out, “Was I going up the stairs or down?”

The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her sisters.  She shakes her head and says, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful.”  She knocks on wood for good measure.  She then replies, “I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who’s at the door.”


 

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