A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist’s office and declares, “Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and had an affair! The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!”
The hypnotherapist shakes his head and says. “Not again…”
A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked, “How many of you love your husband?” All the women raised their hands.
Then they were asked, “When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?”
Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn’t remember.
The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: “I love you, sweetheart.”
The women were then told to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message they received, in response.
Here are some of the replies:
- Who the hell is this?
- Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
- Yeah, and I love you too. What’s up with you?
- What now? Did you wreck the car again?
- I don’t understand what you mean?
- What the hell did you do now?
- You’re kidding, right?
- Don’t beat about the bush; just tell me how much you need?
- Am I dreaming?
- If you don’t tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
- I thought we agreed you wouldn’t drink during the day.
- Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn’t she?
A neighbor asked his friend, who was celebrating 50 years of marriage, what the secret was to a long and happy marriage?
His friend replied, “When we were first married, we vowed to go out twice a week no matter how little money we had and we have done so for 50 years.”
“Twice a week, you say?”
“Yeah. She goes out on Tuesday and I go out on Friday.”