Greg's Occasional News & Views

7 October 2018 – Amusements

A tourist parked his car in downtown Washington, D.C. He said to a man standing near the curb, “Listen, I’m going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?”

“What?” the man huffed. “Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Congress?”

“Well, no,” the tourist said, “I didn’t realize that. But it’s all right. I’ll trust you anyway.”


From my friend Julie:

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, and all sorts of things.

The grandfather is saying in a controlled voice: “Easy, William, we won’t be long.” Another outburst and she hears the grandfather calmly say, “It’s okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there.”

At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the cart. Grandfather says again in a controlled voice, “William, relax buddy, don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes, stay cool William.”

Very impressed, the woman goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says, “It’s none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don’t know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying that things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandfather.”

“Thanks,” says the grandfather, “but I am William. This little bastard’s name is Kevin”.


My eleven month old was sitting in her high chair, twisting and moving all over the place. My wife said to me, “Straighten her up.”

I looked at my daughter and said, “Young lady, what are you doing with your life? Do you want to be this way forever? It’s time to grow up.”

My wife didn’t find it as amusing as I did.


 

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