Greg's Occasional News & Views

13 January 2019 – Amusements

During a county-wide drive to round up all unlicensed dogs, a patrolman signalled a car to pull over to the curb.

When the driver asked why he had been stopped, the officer pointed to the big dog sitting on the seat beside him.

“Does your dog have a license?” he asked.

“Oh, no,” the man said, “He doesn’t need one; I always do the driving.”


Old Dr. Carver still made house calls. One afternoon he was called to the Tuttle house. Mrs. Tuttle was in terrible pain. The doctor came out of the bedroom a minute after he’d gone in and asked Mr. Tuttle, “Do you have a hammer?”

A puzzled Mr. Tuttle went to the garage, and returned with a hammer. The doctor thanked him and went back into the bedroom. A moment later, he came out and asked, “Do you have a chisel?”

Mr. Tuttle complied with the request.

In the next ten minutes, Dr. Carver asked for and received a pair of pliers, a screwdriver and a hacksaw. The last request got to Mr. Tuttle. He asked, “What are you doing to my wife?”

“Not a thing,” replied old doc Carver. “I can’t get my instrument bag open.”


I needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that, maybe, if I acted crazy, then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung on the ceiling and made buzzing noises.

My co-worker (who’s blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was crazy and give me a few days off.

When the Boss came into the office, he asked “What are you doing?” I told him I was a light bulb.

He replied, “Clearly, you are stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.” I jumped down, cleared my desk, and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker (the blonde) began to follow me, the Boss asked her, “Where do you think you’re going?”

She said, “I’m going home too. I can’t work in the DARK !”


 

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