27 January 2019 – Amusements
“The thrill is gone from my marriage,” Bill told his friend Doug.
“Why not add some intrigue to your life and have an affair?” Doug suggested.
“I just don’t think I can do that to my wife.”
“Heck, this is a new age we live in, Bill. Go ahead and tell her about it!”
So Bill went home and said, “Dear, I think an affair will bring us closer together.”
“Forget it,” said his wife. “I’ve tried it so many times and it’s never worked.”
Have we had this before? Recently?
Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog Skipper had recently died.
“You know,” Mom said, “it’s not so bad. Skipper’s probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God.”
Susie stopped crying and asked, “What would God want with a dead dog?”
John O’Leary hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!”
That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the best toast of the night.”
She said, “Aye, and what was your toast?”
John said, “Er… it was: Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.”
“Oh that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s toasting buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night, with a toast about you, Mary.”
She said, “Aye and I was a bit surprised meself! You know, he’s only been there twice! Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”