Greg's Occasional News & Views

24 February 2019 – Amusements

A man invites his friend back home for dinner. The wife pulls him into the bedroom and hisses at him, “I haven’t fixed my hair, done my make-up, I haven’t even done any housework much less cook any dinner! Why the fuck did you invite him around for?”

“Because he’s thinking about getting married.”


A newspaper editor received this note from a reader:

“My wife was about to file for a divorce when she read the article in your paper about the importance of giving second chances in making a marriage work. So she changed her mind about the divorce. Effective today, cancel my subscription to your paper.”


I know we’ve had it before but it’s still quite fun.

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service at a fine hotel in Mexico City.

Room Service (RS): Morny. Ruin sorbees.

Guest (G): Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.

 

RS: Rye..Ruin sorbees. Morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??

G: Uh, yes… I’d like some bacon and eggs.

 

RS: Ow July den?

G: What?

 

RS: Ow July den? Pry, boy, pooch?

G: Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please.

 

RS: Ow July dee bayhcem–crease?

G: Crisp will be fine.

 

RS: Hokay. An san tos?

G: What?

 

RS: San tos. July San tos?

G: I don’t think so

 

RS: No? Judo one san toes?

G: I feel really bad about this, but I don’t know what “judo one san toes means.”

 

RS: Toes! toes! Why djew don juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping we bother?

G: English muffin! I’ve got it! You were saying “Toast.” Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.

 

RS: We bother?

G: No, just put the bother on the side.

 

RS: Wad?

G: I mean butter–just put it on the side.

 

RS: Copy?

G: Sorry?

 

RS: Copy, tea, mill?

G: Yes. Coffee please, and that’s all.

 

RS: One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy–rye?

G: Whatever you say.

 

RS: Tendjewberrymud.

G: You’re welcome.


 

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