Greg's Occasional News & Views

Daily Archives: 3 March 2019

3 March 2019

Good week, bad week. Rather like the good cop, bad cop interrogation methods sometimes employed against hardened criminals, this week’s weather was similar – good (bordering on great) weather for the first part of the week (records were broken!); a reversion to normalcy from Thursday onwards with the usual cooler temperatures, rain and gale force winds. 

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3 March 2019 – Amusements

A FEW SIMPLE RULES FOR HAPPY LIVING:

Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

Avoid arguments with women about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

For high blood pressure sufferers – simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.

A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. You’ll be afraid to cough.

You only need two tools in life – WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn’t move and it does, use the duct tape.

If you can’t fix it with a hammer, you’ve got an electrical problem.

Daily thought: Some people are like Slinkies…not really good for much but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs. Continue reading

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