Greg's Occasional News & Views

10 March 2019 – Amusements

A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband a text;

“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.”

He replied, “I am on the toilet. Please advise.”


There was a farmer who had many pigs. One day someone came to the farm and asked the farmer, “What do you use to feed your pigs?”

“Well, I give them acorn, corn, vegetable scraps and things like that. Why?”

“Because I am from the Animals Protection Association and I think you don’t feed them like you should, they shouldn’t eat wastes.” Then he fined the farmer.

Some days later, another person arrived and asked the same question. The farmer answered, “Well, I feed them very well. I give them fish, whole grains, hot corn mash and as much fresh fruit and vegetables as I can get my hands on. Why?”

“Because I am from the United Nations Organization and I think it’s unfair that you feed your pigs like that when there are people dying with nothing to eat.” And he fined the farmer.

Finally, another man came in and asked the same question.

The hesitant farmer answered after a minute of careful thought: “Well, I give five dollars to each pig so they can buy whatever it is they want.”


Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed.

Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. The people who produce the bottles. The truck drivers who deliver the beer and the retailers who sell it.

If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.

Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”


 

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