Greg's Occasional News & Views

Monthly Archives: April 2019

28 April 2019 – Amusements

A weathered farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their Silver wedding anniversary. ‘Let’s kill a pig and have a big BBQ party, Homer,’ she suggested.’

The farmer scratched his grizzled head. ‘Gee, Ethel,’ he finally answered, ‘I don’t see why the pig should suffer for something that happened 25 years ago.'” Continue reading

21 April 2019

So much to do and so little time! I am afraid this will be short & sweet this week – Ben, Brex-Anna and Max have arrived and we are planning to have too much fun to do anything else! Continue reading

21 April 2019 – Amusements

Two resident doctors were involved in a fight in the hospital. A senior consultant had to pull them apart. “What’s all this about?” asked the consultant angrily.

“It’s the tax auditor in C ward,” said one. “He’s only got 2 days to live.”

“He had to be told.” said the second doctor.

“I know,” said the first, “but I wanted to be the one to tell him!” Continue reading

14 April 2019

So now we know. Or, now we know a bit more than we knew before. But we still don’t know. What we do know is that the EU has given the UK until the end of October to come up with a credible plan to leave which can squeak through Parliament. What we still don’t know is what that credible plan might ultimately look like nor whether we shall be given another opportunity to vote on the plan, once we know what it looks like. An absolute shambles. I have to say, though, the new leaving date is an excellent metaphor – do you think the EU is having a joke? The first date was near enough April Fool’s Day; the new date is Halloween – Trick or Treat? Continue reading

14 April 2019 – Amusements

I’ve often said this about our boys.

At the company water cooler, I bragged about my children’s world travels: one son was teaching in Bolivia, another was working in southern Italy, and my daughter was completing a year-long research project in India.

One co-worker’s quip, however, stopped me short. “What is it about you,” he asked, “that makes your kids want to get so far away from you?” Continue reading

7 April 2019

My goodness what a lousy week. In contrast to last week which was largely dry, sunny and warm, this week it has been wet, dismal and cold. We went from 16 C last week (low 60s F) to 2 C (just above freezing) this week. What’s that all about? Continue reading

7 April 2019 – Amusements

At a workshop on dog temperament, the instructor noted that a test for a canine’s disposition was for an owner to fall down and act hurt. A dog with poor temperament would try to bite the person, whereas a good dog would lick his owner’s face or show concern.

Once, while eating pizza in the living room, I decided to try out this theory on my two dogs. I stood up, clutched my heart, let out a scream and collapsed on the floor.

The dogs looked at me, glanced at each other and raced to the coffee table for my pizza. Continue reading

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