Greg's Occasional News & Views

21 April 2019 – Amusements

Two resident doctors were involved in a fight in the hospital. A senior consultant had to pull them apart. “What’s all this about?” asked the consultant angrily.

“It’s the tax auditor in C ward,” said one. “He’s only got 2 days to live.”

“He had to be told.” said the second doctor.

“I know,” said the first, “but I wanted to be the one to tell him!”


A woman walks into her accountant’s office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.

The accountant says, “Before we begin, I’ll need to ask a few questions.” He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, “What is your occupation?”

The woman replies, “I’m a whore.”

The accountant balks and says, “No, no. That will never work. Let’s try to rephrase that.”

The woman, “Ok, I’m a prostitute.”

“No, that still won’t get by. Try again.”

They both think for a minute, then the woman states, “Let’s say I’m a chicken farmer.”

The accountant asks, “What does chicken farming have to do with being a whore or a prostitute?”

“Well, I raised over 1,000 cocks last year.”


This came from my sister Sallie.

WHY THE CLEANING LADY QUIT

A cleaning lady was applying for a new position.

She was asked why she left her last employment.

She replied, “Yes sir, the wages were good, but it was the most ridiculous place I ever worked. They played a game called ‘BRIDGE’, and last night a lot of folks were there.”

“As I was about to bring refreshments, I heard a man say ‘Lay down and let’s see what you’ve got.’”

Another man said “I’ve got strength but not much length.”

Then another man said to a lady “Take your hand off my trick!”

I pretty near dropped dead when a lady answered “You forced me. You jumped me twice when you didn’t even have the strength for one good raise.”

Another lady was talking about protecting her honour.

And two ladies were talking and one said “Now it’s my turn to play with your husband while you play with mine.”

Well, I just got my hat and coat and as I was leaving I hope to die if one of them didn’t say, “Well, I guess we can go now, this is our last rubber.”


 

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