Greg's Occasional News & Views

28 April 2019 – Amusements

A weathered farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their Silver wedding anniversary. ‘Let’s kill a pig and have a big BBQ party, Homer,’ she suggested.’

The farmer scratched his grizzled head. ‘Gee, Ethel,’ he finally answered, ‘I don’t see why the pig should suffer for something that happened 25 years ago.'”


We’ve had this before but it’s perhaps never seemed so relevant. Of course, the fifth surgeon could just as easily be in London as DC.

Five surgeons are having drinks together at a surgical convention and making jokes.

The first, a Florida surgeon, says: “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”

The second, a Michigan surgeon, responds: “Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside of them is color coded.”

The third, a California surgeon, says: “No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside of them is in alphabetical order.”

The fourth, a New York surgeon, chimes in: “You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.”

But the fifth, from Washington D.C. shut them all up when he observed, “You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no brains, no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.”


Crude joke to follow – mother, do not read any further!

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One old lady turns to the other and asks, “Do you still get horny?”

The other replies, “Oh sure I do.”

The first old lady asks, “What do you do about it?”

The second old lady replies, “I suck a lifesaver to take my mind off it.”

After a few moments, the first old lady asks, “Who drives you to the beach?”


 

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