5 May 2019 – Amusements

A couple had been married for 50 years and had raised a brood of 10 children and was blessed with 20 grandchildren.

When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, “Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids.”

10 Step Guide to Being Handy Around the House

  1. If you can’t find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it’s an improved screwdriver.
  2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help.
  3. Despite what you may have been told by your mother, praying and cursing are both helpful in home repair… but only if you are working alone.
  4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can… many fine tools are there, it’s warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.
  5. If it’s electronic, get a new one.
  6. Keep it simple: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning it to the “on” switch; or just paint over it.
  7. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have fixed it.
  8. Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help.
  9. If something looks level, it is level.
  10. Above all, if what you’ve done is stupid, but it works, then it isn’t stupid.

A man sees a job ad posted on a construction site, “Handy man wanted; apply within.”

So he does and speaks to the foreman.

“Can you drive a Bobcat?” the foreman asks.


“Can you plaster?”


“Have you ever done any carpentry?”


“If you don’t mind me asking,” says the foreman, “what’s so handy about you?”

“Well, I only live about five minutes down the road…”


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