5 May 2019 – Amusements
A couple had been married for 50 years and had raised a brood of 10 children and was blessed with 20 grandchildren.
When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, “Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids.”
10 Step Guide to Being Handy Around the House
- If you can’t find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it’s an improved screwdriver.
- Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help.
- Despite what you may have been told by your mother, praying and cursing are both helpful in home repair… but only if you are working alone.
- Work in the kitchen whenever you can… many fine tools are there, it’s warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.
- If it’s electronic, get a new one.
- Keep it simple: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning it to the “on” switch; or just paint over it.
- Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have fixed it.
- Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help.
- If something looks level, it is level.
- Above all, if what you’ve done is stupid, but it works, then it isn’t stupid.
A man sees a job ad posted on a construction site, “Handy man wanted; apply within.”
So he does and speaks to the foreman.
“Can you drive a Bobcat?” the foreman asks.
“Can you plaster?”
“Have you ever done any carpentry?”
“If you don’t mind me asking,” says the foreman, “what’s so handy about you?”
“Well, I only live about five minutes down the road…”