Greg's Occasional News & Views

12 May 2019 – Amusements

“Jim, why don’t you play golf with Steve anymore?” asked a friend.

“Would you play golf with a guy who moved the ball with his foot when you weren’t watching?” Jim asked.

“Well, no, I suppose not,” admitted the friend.

“Neither will Steve,” replied Jim.


“Did you give the prisoner the third degree?” the police captain asked the detective.

“Yeah, we browbeat him pretty good,” nodded the other. “Asked him every question and made every threat we could think of.”

“And did you get a confession?” asked the sergeant.

“Not exactly,” explained the officer. “All he’d say was, ‘Yes dear,’ and dozed off.”


What the Doctor says and what he really means

Doctor: “This should be taken care of right away.”

Translation: I’d planned a trip to Hawaii next month, but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself.

Doctor: “Let me check your medical history.”

Translation: I want to see if you’ve paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.”

Doctor: “We have some good news and some bad news.”

Translation: The good news is, I’m going to buy that new BMW. The bad news is, you’re going to pay for it.

Doctor: “Let me schedule you for some tests.”

Translation: I have a forty percent interest in the lab.

Doctor: “I’d like to prescribe a new drug.”

Translation: I’m writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.

Doctor: “If it doesn’t clear up in a week, give me a call.”

Translation: I don’t know what it is. Maybe it will go away by itself.

Doctor: “I’d like to run some more tests.”

Translation: I can’t figure out what’s wrong. Maybe the kid in the lab can solve it.


 

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