Little Johnny’s father asked him what he wanted for his birthday. “A baby brother,” he said. Later that year, his mother came home from the hospital with a baby boy.
Little Johnny was delighted. “And what would you like this year for your birthday?” his father asked.
He said, “If it isn’t too uncomfortable for mommy, I’d like a pony.”
Sitting in the bar George asked his 40-year-old friend John, “How come you aren’t married?”
John: “I haven’t found the right woman yet.”
George: “So what are you looking for?”
John: “Oh she’s got to be real pretty, a good cook and house keeper, she’s got to know how to handle finances, have a forgiving personality — and money, she’s got to have money, and if she has her own house it wouldn’t hurt either.”
George: “A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU!”
John: “Oh, it’s okay if she’s crazy.”
My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn’t find any.
So I grabbed a harassed and tired looking employee and said, “These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?”
The produce guy looked at me and said, “No, sir, you’ll have to do that yourself.”