Part of my job as a 911 dispatcher is to interrogate callers who are in various states of panic so I can send the appropriate emergency equipment.
One day a woman called to say that a family member had fallen and needed to go to a hospital. After finding out where she lived and assuring her that the paramedics would arrive shortly, I asked her, “Do you know what caused the fall?”
“No,” the woman nervously replied. “What?”
My wife says I only have two faults: I don’t listen and something else.
Two elderly residents, a man and a woman, were alone in the lounge of their nursing home one evening. The old man looked over and said to the old lady, “I know just what you’re wanting. For $5.00 I’ll have sex with you right over there in that rocking chair.”
The old lady looked surprised but didn’t say a word.
The old man continued, “For $10.00 I’ll do it with you on that nice soft sofa over there, but for $20.00, I’ll take you back to my room, light some candles, and give you the most romantic evening you’ve had in 20 years.”
The old lady still says nothing but after a couple of minutes, starts digging down in her purse. She pulls out a wrinkled $20.00 bill and holds it up.
“So you want the nice romantic evening in my room?” says the old man.
“Get serious,” she replies. “Four times in the rocking chair!”