30 June 2019 – Amusements

Part of my job as a 911 dispatcher is to interrogate callers who are in various states of panic so I can send the appropriate emergency equipment.

One day a woman called to say that a family member had fallen and needed to go to a hospital. After finding out where she lived and assuring her that the paramedics would arrive shortly, I asked her, “Do you know what caused the fall?”

“No,” the woman nervously replied. “What?”


My wife says I only have two faults: I don’t listen and something else.


Two elderly residents, a man and a woman, were alone in the lounge of their nursing home one evening. The old man looked over and said to the old lady, “I know just what you’re wanting. For $5.00 I’ll have sex with you right over there in that rocking chair.”

The old lady looked surprised but didn’t say a word.

The old man continued, “For $10.00 I’ll do it with you on that nice soft sofa over there, but for $20.00, I’ll take you back to my room, light some candles, and give you the most romantic evening you’ve had in 20 years.”

The old lady still says nothing but after a couple of minutes, starts digging down in her purse. She pulls out a wrinkled $20.00 bill and holds it up.

“So you want the nice romantic evening in my room?” says the old man.

“Get serious,” she replies. “Four times in the rocking chair!”


 

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