A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewellery store. “Listen,” said the shoplifter, “I know you don’t want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?”
The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, “This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?”
Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a sharp, three-piece tunic. “This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter,” said the first one.
“No! He agreed to marry MY daughter,” said the other.
And so they haggled before the King until he called for silence.
“Bring me my biggest sword,” said Solomon, “and I shall hew the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a half.”
“Sounds good to me,” said the first woman.
But the other woman said, “Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman’s daughter marry him.”
The wise King did not hesitate a moment. “The attorney must marry the first lady’s daughter,” he proclaimed.
“But she was willing to hew him in two!” exclaimed the King’s court.
“Indeed,” said wise King Solomon. “That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law.”
One shop owner asks another, “So, have you had any responses to your ad that you’re looking for a night watchman?”
“Yeah, we got robbed last night.”