Greg's Occasional News & Views

22 September 2019 – Amusements

A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole. One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, “Yum! I smell maple syrup!”

The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says “Yum! I smell honey!”

The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can’t because the bigger moles are in the way.

So he says, “Geez, all I can smell is….MOLASSES!”


This from my sister Sallie . . .

Sex After Death:

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.

Their biggest fear was that there was no sex after life at all.

After a long life together, Frank was the first to die.

True to his word, he made the first contact:

“Kris, Kris, can you hear me?”

“Is that you, Frank?”

“Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.”

“That’s wonderful! What’s it like?”

“Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it’s off to the golf course.

“I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (and Kris, you’d be proud — lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon.

“After supper, it’s back to the golf course again. Then it’s more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again.”

“Oh, Frank! Are you in Heaven?”

“No — I’m a rabbit somewhere in Arizona.”


I deliver pizza to help cover my college tuition. Once I called on customers who sent their seven-year-old son to pay me. As he approached the screen door, I noticed he was carrying a check in one hand and two dollars in the other, which I assumed was my tip.

To my dismay, he pocketed the bills before handing me the check, which was for the exact cost of the pizza.

“Could that have been a tip?” I asked, trying not to sound accusatory.

“Yep,” he replied proudly. “Not bad for just a walk from the living room and back!”


 

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