Greg's Occasional News & Views

Monthly Archives: December 2019

29 December 2019

We hope you all enjoyed a marvellously marvellous Christmas – we did! And, we had a fun-filled, action-packed week beforehand with the unveiling of Penelope’s new kitchen, an outing to Stratford to see a terrific play and someone celebrated a birthday. What could be better?

And, it didn’t rain on Christmas Day (just every other day before and since). Continue reading

22 December 2019

Sorry for the tardy arrival of this week’s Picayune – we’ve been busy and someone has a birthday as well! Oops.

We’ve spent the last few days painting, decorating, cleaning, and moving furniture to enable us to have the Grand Reveal of the new kitchen. The builders finished on Thursday (just for the holiday break – they’ll be back again in the New Year, don’t worry).  Thankfully, though, we just about completed all our tasks in time for the arrival of some special guests who made all the right noises and said all the right things so I guess it’s all been worth it? Continue reading

22 December 2019 – Amusements

Every December it was the same excruciating tradition. Our family would get up at the crack of dawn, go to a Christmas tree farm and tromp across acres of snow in search of the perfect tree. Hours later our feet would be freezing, but Mom would press on, convinced the tree of her dreams was “just up ahead.”

One year I snapped. “Mom, face it. The perfect tree doesn’t exist. It’s like looking for a man. Just be satisfied if you can find one that isn’t dead, doesn’t have too many bald spots and is straight.” Continue reading

15 December 2019

So, it’s definitely true. Turkeys do vote for Christmas. The electorate in the UK have decided that a pathological liar, a misogynistic racist narcissist is the best choice to lead this country into irrelevancy. What could possibly go wrong? A thoroughly sad and depressing result. Continue reading

15 December 2019 – Amusements

The artist tried to concentrate on his work, but the attraction he felt for his model finally became irresistible. He threw down his palette, took her in his arms, and kissed her.

She pushed him away. “Maybe your other models let you kiss them,” she said, “but I’m not that kind!”

“Actually, I’ve never tried to kiss a model before,” he protested.

“Really?” she said, softening. “Well, how many models have there been?”

“Four so far,” he replied, thinking back. “A jug, two apples and a vase.” Continue reading

8 December 2019

Not one, not two, nor even three. On Wednesday we had ten builders on site – I guess my rant at the end of last week had an impact. Count ‘em – ten! Four electricians, a plumber, two plasterers, two labourers and our usual very patient carpenter. And, it’s remarkable how the presence of other trades folks encourages the patient carpenter to get a bit of a move-on. Continue reading

8 December 2019 – Amusements

Baby’s First Doctor Visit

A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

‘Breast-fed,’ she replied…

‘Well, strip down to your waist,’ the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, ‘No wonder this baby is underweight. You don’t have any milk.’

“I know,” she said, “I’m his Grandma, But I’m glad I came.” Continue reading

1 December 2019

What a miserable, miserable week. Depressingly dismal, dreary and drizzly. And miserable. It’s been cloudy and wet all week and then on Friday, when the sun does put in an appearance and the skies turn bright and blue, the temperature plummets through the floor. Oh my goodness, only four or five more months of this! Continue reading

1 December 2019 – Amusements

I tried to explain to a client why I couldn’t help him with a project that was written in a program code that I didn’t know.

“Let’s say you’re asking me to write something in a specific language. Now, I’m fluent in English and Spanish, but your project is in Chinese. Since I don’t understand Chinese, I’m not your best option. You need someone who is fluent in this specific language. See?”

He said he did and thanked me.

The next morning, I got a call from another developer asking, “Why is So-and-So asking us if we’re fluent in Chinese?” Continue reading

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