They say there’s more chance of dying on the way to place the lottery than actually winning. That’s why I always send my wife.
An Australian drover walks into a bar with a pet crocodile under his arm. He puts the crocodile up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons and says, ‘I’ll make you all a deal. I’ll open this crocodile’s mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute. Then he’ll open his mouth and I’ll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.’
The crowd murmured their approval. So the man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his credentials and related parts in the crocodile’s open mouth. The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. But sure enough, after a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the crocodile hard on the top of its head. The croc opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered. After polishing off several pints the man stood up again and made another offer, ‘I’ll pay $100 to anyone who’s willing to give this little stunt a try.’
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A blonde woman timidly spoke up, ‘I’ll try it, but you have to promise not to hit me so hard with that bottle!’
I had noticed that my 60-year-old father seemed to be losing his hearing, so I mentioned it to my mother.
“Things haven’t changed that much,” she said. “The only difference is, before he didn’t listen to me. Now, he can’t.”