Greg's Occasional News & Views

16 February 2020 – Amusements

A young man who had recently moved out on his own called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

His mother said, “Why don’t you send her a nice note and invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal?”

He thought this was a great strategy, and arranged a date for a week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone.

“The evening was a disaster,” he moaned.

“Why, didn’t she come over?” asked his mother.

“Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook.”


A government warning was recently issued that anyone traveling in icy or blizzard conditions should take:

– Shovel, blankets or sleeping bag

– Extra clothing including scarf, hat and gloves

– 24 hours supply of food and drink

– De-icer

– 5 lbs of rock salt

– Flashlight with spare batteries

– Road flares and reflective triangles

– Tow rope

– 5 gallon gas can

– First aid kit

– Jump cables

I felt like a complete idiot on the bus this morning.


A park ranger in the Everglades was making his rounds a couple of summers ago when a woman came bolting out of the weeds right in front of his truck. She seemed frantic and he finally got her calm enough to say that her five-year-old son was sitting on the back of an alligator.

Now the ranger was frantic. Running in the direction she was pointing he found the lad astride a twelve foot male alligator which was trying to relieve itself of its load by twisting and snapping. As the brave ranger moved in he tried to console the mother by saying, “I think I can grab the boy and move away before the gator moves. Be ready to grab your son. I may have to shoot the gator.”

To which the lady replies “Good Heavens, no! Don’t shoot him. I just wanted you to make him hold still for a minute so I could take my son’s picture on his back.”


 

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