26 April 2020 – Amusements

The mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law, Paddy, in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.

“What happened Paddy?” she asks anxiously.

“What happened? I’ll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home and guess what I found? Yes, your daughter, my wife Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I’m done. I’m leaving forever!”

“Ah now, calm down, calm down, Paddy!” says his mother-in-law. “There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I’ll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened.”

Minutes later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.

“Paddy. I told you there must be a simple explanation… she never got your email!” Continue reading “26 April 2020 – Amusements”

19 April 2020

Week Six of the Lockdown and it’s been another pretty fine week – very decent weather if somewhat cooler than last week. Lots of bright blue sunny skies. Although the weather folk have been “promising” some rain (which we need), it always seems to be just north or south or west or east of here. We finally had a moderate soaking yesterday but could do with more. Oh well. Continue reading “19 April 2020”

19 April 2020 – Amusements

A man and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. Finally he shouted at her, “And you know what? You aren’t so hot in bed either!” then stormed off to work.

By mid-morning, he decided he’d better make amends and called home. “What took you so long to answer?” he asked.

“I was in bed,” she replied.

“What were you doing in bed this late?”

“Getting a second opinion.” Continue reading “19 April 2020 – Amusements”

12 April 2020

Week Five of the Lockdown – we’re still here in glorious isolation! Thankfully, the weather this week has been (mainly) outstanding – warm temperatures and blue(ish) skies. Ideal for all the gardening Ms Playchute manages to find to do. Also, ideal for me to do one of the things I do best – lounge in the hammock in the orchard. Hey, I’m doing my bit to save the country!

Continue reading “12 April 2020”

12 April 2020 – Amusements

A Baptist pastor was presenting a children’s sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was.

Now, asking questions during children’s sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous. Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand…

The pastor called on him and the little boy said, “I’m not sure, but I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor.” Continue reading “12 April 2020 – Amusements”

5 April 2020

We’ve survived four weeks of the coronavirus lockdown! Still talking to one another (occasionally) and just about maintaining our sanity. I reckon the government could improve morale at a stroke by issuing certificates of achievement for those in self-isolation. Rather like awarding stars to young students for good work. You could get a certificate after a month, after three months, a year, three years, etc. Continue reading “5 April 2020”

5 April 2020 – Amusements

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbour’s dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours.

The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, “I’ve had enough of this!” and she goes downstairs.

She finally comes back up to bed and her husband asks, “The dog is STILL barking, what were you doing out there?”

The blonde says, “I put the dog in our backyard. Let’s see how THEY like it!” Continue reading “5 April 2020 – Amusements”