19 April 2020 – Amusements
A man and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. Finally he shouted at her, “And you know what? You aren’t so hot in bed either!” then stormed off to work.
By mid-morning, he decided he’d better make amends and called home. “What took you so long to answer?” he asked.
“I was in bed,” she replied.
“What were you doing in bed this late?”
“Getting a second opinion.”
Steve’s buddies were planning a fishing trip. Unfortunately, Steve had to tell them that he couldn’t go this time because his wife wouldn’t let him. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated.
The following week when Steve’s buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing.
“How did you talk your missus into letting you go, Steve?”
“I didn’t have to,” Steve replied.
“Yesterday, when I left work, I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn’t go fishing. Then the ol’ lady snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, ‘Surprise!’ When I pulled her hands back, she was standing there in a see-through negligee and she said, ‘I feel bad you couldn’t go fishing. So take me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want.’
So, Here I am!”
During his physical, a doctor asked his patient about his daily activity level.
The man said, “Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, marched up and down several hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand and took four leaks behind big trees.”
Impressed by the story, the doctor said, “You must be one hell of an outdoors man!”
“Outdoorsman nothing,” replied the man, “I’m just a lousy golfer.”