“What’s your father’s occupation?” asked the school secretary on the first day of the new academic year.
“He’s a magician, ma’am” said Little Johnny.
“How interesting. What’s his favourite trick?”
“He saws people in half.”
“Wow! Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?”
“One half brother and two half-sisters.”
Eric is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer. Tom walks in and sits down. After trying to start a conversation several times and getting only distracted grunts he asks Eric what the problem is.
“Well,” said Eric, “I ran afoul of one of those trick questions women ask. Now I’m in deep trouble at home.”
“What kind of question?” asked Tom.
“My wife asked me if I would still love her if she was old, fat and ugly.”
“That’s easy,” said Tom. “You just say ‘Of course I will'”.
“Yeah,” said Eric, “That’s what I did, except I said, ‘Of course I DO…!'”
The supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts and I intended to stock up. At the store, however, I was disappointed to find only a few skimpy pre-packaged portions of the poultry, so I complained to the butcher.
“Don’t worry,” she said, “I’ll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping.”
Several aisles later, I heard the lady butcher’s voice boom over the public-address system: “Will the gentleman who was looking for bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store.”