The party’s host paid me a great compliment. “You are a good-looking woman,” he said. “Honest–I’ve had only one drink.”
My glow was only slightly dimmed when my husband interjected, “Imagine how great she’ll look after two or three.”
I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight.
“Was anything wrong with them?” the clerk asked.
“Yes,” I said. “They hurt my feelings.”
This reminds me of a story my father used to tell . . .
A Preacher wanted to raise money for his church and, being told there were fortunes in Race horses, he decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.
However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so steep he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races, and to his surprise the donkey came in third.
The next day the racing sheets carried the headlines, “Preacher’s Ass shows”
The Preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the races again and this time he won! The papers said, “Preacher’s Ass out in Front” The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Preacher not to enter the donkey in another race.
The newspaper printed this headline, “Bishop Scratches Preacher’s Ass”. This was just too much for the Bishop and he ordered the Preacher to get rid of the animal.
The Preacher decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent. The headlines the next day read, “Nun has the Best Ass in Town”
The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to dispose of the donkey and she finally found a farmer who was willing to buy it for $10.00.
The paper states, “Nun Peddles Ass for Ten Bucks”
They buried the Bishop the next day.