4 October 2020 – Amusements

Early one evening a gentleman scuttled out to his garage and pulled the lawn furniture out onto the driveway. Shortly after followed the lawnmower, a few gardening tools and a bicycle.

A curious neighbor wandered over and asked if he was going to have a garage sale.

“No,” replied the gentleman, “my son just bought his first car and right now he’s getting ready for a big date. He’ll be taking the car out soon to pick up the girl.”

“So what’s with all the stuff?” asked the neighbor.

“Well, after years of moving tricycles, toys and sports equipment out of the way every time I came home from work, I wanted to make sure the driveway was ready for him.”


A company called Dog Nation just launched an IQ online test for your dog. It covers understanding hand gestures and learning words. It’s actually a secret IQ test for humans. If you pay $60 to give your dog an IQ test, you failed.


We’ve had these or similar several times before but they’re still good fun:

ENGLISH for TOURISTS

Cocktail lounge, Norway: “LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.”

On an Athi River highway: “TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.”

In a City restaurant: “OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

Hotel, Japan: “YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.”

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: “YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.”

Taken from a menu, Poland: “SALAD A FIRM’S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE’S FASHION.”

Supermarket, Hong Kong: “FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.”

From the “Soviet Weekly”: “THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.”

On the door of a Moscow hotel room: “IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO MOSCOW, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.”

A laundry in Rome: “LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.”

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