A man was showing his friend a new set of matched golf clubs he had just bought.
“Doctor’s orders,” the man told his friend. “My wife and I have been gaining too much weight and we went to see the doctor about it. He said we needed more exercise, so I joined the country club and bought myself this set of golf clubs.”
“What about your wife?” the friend asked. “What did you buy her?”
“A new lawn mower,” the golfer said.
I came home one night and my wife was crying.
I said, “What’s wrong?”
She said, “I’m home sick.”
I said, “But, this IS your home.”
“I know,” she replied, “and I’m sick of it!”
A rabbi, a priest, and a minister are discussing when life begins.
The priest says: “In our religion, life begins at conception.”
The Minister says: “We disagree. We believe that life begins when the foetus is viable away from the mother’s womb.”
The rabbi responds: “You are both wrong. In our religion life begins when the kids graduate college and the dog dies.”