A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart’s birthday. As they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal.
He took along his girl’s younger sister for advice, and together they went to the department store and bought a pair of gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.
During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:
“I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove.
“I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.
“When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.
“I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night!”
All my love.
I am five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump. After I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergency room. The nurse asked for my height and weight and I blurted out, “Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds.”
While the nurse pondered over this information, my mother leaned over to me. “Sweetheart,” she gently chided, “this is not the Internet.”
Back and forth…back and forth. In and out…in and out. A little to the right…a little to the left. She could feel the sweat on her forehead, between her breasts and trickling down the small of her back.
She was getting near to the end. He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved… Forwards then backwards…forward then backward… Again…and again!
Her heart was pounding now…Her face was flushed…She groaned… softly at first, then began to groan louder.
Finally, totally exhausted, she let out a piercing scream, “OK, you smug bastard, so I can’t parallel park. You do it!”