A man walks into a bar and bets the bartender a beer that his dog can talk.
The bartender agrees so the guy turns and asks his dog, “What’s on top of a house?” Naturally, the dog says, “Roof.”
The bartender throws them both in the gutter.
The dog turns to the guys and says, “See, I told you that wouldn’t work!”
A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.”
The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.”
The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me! Mommy said we came from monkeys.”
His father replied, “No, your mother was talking about her side of the family.”
There was a farmer who had many pigs. One day someone came to the farm and asked the farmer, “What do you use to feed your pigs?”
“Well, I give them acorn, corn, vegetable scraps and things like that. Why?”
“Because I am from the Animals Protection Association and I think you don’t feed them like you should, they shouldn’t eat wastes.” Then he fined the farmer.
Some days later, another person arrived and asked the same question. The farmer answered, “Well, I feed them very well. I give them fish, whole grains, hot corn mash and as much fresh fruit and vegetables as I can get my hands on. Why?”
“Because I am from the United Nations Organization and I think it’s unfair that you feed your pigs like that when there are people dying with nothing to eat.” And he fined the farmer.
Finally, another man came in and asked the same question.
The hesitant farmer answered after a minute of careful thought: “Well, I give five dollars to each pig so they can buy whatever it is they want.”