A car full of Irish nuns are sitting at a traffic light in down town Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them. “Hey, show us yer teets, ya bloody penguins!” shouts one of the drunks.
Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, “I don’t think they know who we are; show them your cross.”
Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, “Piss off, ya fookin’ little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer eyes out!”
Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, “Did that sound cross enough?”
A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver’s license and has to take an eye test.
They show him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.
“Can you read this?” the optician asks.
“Read it?” the Polish guy replies, “I know that guy!”
The personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the department staff broken down by age and sex. The personnel office sent this reply…
“Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one broken down by age or sex. However, we have a few alcoholics.”