Being English is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, and then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese television.
And the most English thing of all?
Suspicion of anything foreign.
As a trucker stops at a red light a woman drives up behind him. She jumps out of her car, runs up to the truck and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers his window and she says, “Hi. My name is Karen and you’re losing some of your load.”
At the next red light, the same thing happens. All out of breath the woman gets out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window and the woman says, “Hi. My name is Karen and you are losing some of your load.”
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he gets out of the truck and runs back to the woman’s car. He knocks on her window and, as she lowers it, he says, “Hi. My name is Kevin. It’s winter in Iowa and I’m driving the salt truck!”
Do you know that awesome feeling when you get into bed, fall right asleep, stay asleep all night and wake up feeling refreshed and ready to take on the day?
Yeah, me neither.