A Moscow man turns up at a newsstand and buys a newspaper. He glances at the front page and throws it away.
The next day he turns up and buys another newspaper. He glances at the front page and throws it away. The next day, same thing. And again, day after day.
Finally, the newspaper seller asks, “Why do you buy a newspaper every day, glance at the front page and then throw it away?”
“Oh, I’m looking for an obituary.”
“But the obituaries aren’t even on the front page!” the newspaper seller says.
“Oh, the one I’m looking for will be.”
A young girl named Mary from Kilnalough in Ireland goes to England in rags and comes back a year later in fine clothes and throwing away money right and left. She meets Father O’Byrne who says, “Tell me, Mary. How did you get all that money?”
Says Mary, shamefaced: “Oi became a prostitute, Father.”
“What’s that you say?” cries Father O’Byrne in a fury.
“Oi became a prostitute, Father,” says Mary again.
“Ah, sure that’s all roight,” says Father O’Byrne with a sigh of relief. “Oi was after thinking you said you’d become a Protestant!”
I picked up a hitch-hiker the other day. He seemed like a nice guy.
After a few miles he asked me if I wasn’t afraid that he might be a serial killer?
I told him that the odds of two serial killers being in the same car were extremely unlikely.