This morning I was sitting on a bench next to a homeless man, I asked him how he ended up this way.
He said, “Up until last week, I still had it all! All my meals were prepared for me, my room was cleaned, my clothes were washed, pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV, internet, I went to the gym, the pool, the library, I could still go to school.”
I asked him, “What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?”
“No, nothing like that,” he said. “I got out of prison.”
During his physical, a doctor asked his patient about his daily activity level.
The man said, “Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, marched up and down several hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand and took four leaks behind big trees.”
Impressed by the story, the doctor said, “You must be one hell of an outdoors man!”
“Outdoorsman nothing,” replied the man, “I’m just a lousy golfer.”
We’ve had the following before but what the heck.
Larry’s barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company.
Susan spoke to the insurance agent and said, “We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money.”
The agent replied, “Whoa there, just a minute. Insurance doesn’t work quite like that. An independent adjuster will assess the value of what was insured, and then we’ll provide you with a new barn of similar worth.”
There was a long pause, and then Susan replied, “If that’s how it works, then I want to cancel the life insurance policy on my husband.”