A man just returned from traveling around the USA for a year. He had a lot of stories to tell. Here is one of them.
It seems he was looking for a bank and stopped to ask directions. The man he asked replied “Just drive down this road about 5 miles and then turn left at the Stop n Go.”
He drove 5 miles, then 6, then 7. At about 10 miles down he stopped for directions again. The man he asked replied, “Just go back down this road about 5 miles and turn right at the Stop n Go.”
He headed out again but still had no luck. When he got back to where he had started he stopped again. When he asked for directions the answer was exactly the same. This time Jim asked, “Could you describe the Stop n Go for me?”
The man gave him a funny look and said “It’s on a pole. It’s got a red light on the top, a Green light on the bottom…”
An 80 year old man went to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The doctor asked, “To what do you attribute your good health?”
The old timer said, “I’m a golfer and that’s why I’m in such good shape. I’m up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways.”
The doctor said, “Well, I’m sure that helps, but there’s got to be more to it. How old was your father when he died?”
The old timer said, “Who said my father’s dead?”
The doctor said, “You mean you’re 80 years old and your father is still alive? How old is he?”
The old timer said, “He’s 100 years old and, in fact, he golfed with me this morning. That’s why he’s still alive, he’s a golfer.”
The doctor said, “Well, that’s great, but I’m sure there’s more to it. How about your grandfather? How old was he when he died?”
The old timer said, “Who said my grandpa’s dead?”
The doctor said, “You mean you’re 80 years old and your grandfather’s still living! How old is he?”
The old timer said, “He’s 118 years old.”
The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, “I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?”
The old timer said, “No…Grandpa couldn’t go this morning because he got married last night.”
The doctor said in amazement, “Got married!! Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?”
The old timer shot back, “Who said he wanted to?”
From Penny’s sister J in Toronto:
A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church, by hand. He notices, however, that all the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.
So, the new monk goes to the Old Abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.”
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives, in a locked vault that hasn’t been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the Old Abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He eventually finds him amongst the archives and sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.
“We missed the R! We missed the R! We missed the bloody R!”
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.
The young monk asks the old Abbot, “What’s wrong, father?”
With a choking voice, the old Abbot replies, “The word was … CELEBRATE!”