Arriving at his residence the professor told his housekeeper, “Sarah, I’ve invited three of my students to dinner tonight at 6:30, but I think I’ll give them a half-hour’s grace.”
“Professor, I’m as religious as the next person.” Sarah said shaking her head, “But even I think you’re over-doing it.”
Two rural church deacons who were having a sociable beer in the local tavern when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside.
One deacon ducked down and said, “I hope the reverend didn’t see us or recognize my pickup.”
The other replied indifferently, “What difference does it make. God knows we’re in here… and he’s the only one who counts.”
The first deacon countered, “Yeah, but God won’t tell my wife.”
A New York judge is ready to go through the day’s business and he is very rushed. The first case up involves an elderly Jewish gentleman with a long beard, payos, the works.
The judge, without asking a question, says to the clerk: “Quick…get me a translator.”
Translator shows up and the judge says: “Ask him what his name is, how old is he and where does he come from?”
The translator says: “Die judge vilt vissen, vos is dein namen, vie alt bist du, and fun vie kumst du?”
The old man smiles, looks at the judge and says in perfect English with a British accent: “Your Honour. My name is Sir Chaim Ginsbug. I shall be 82 next Thursday and I’ve come from England where I hold the chair of Hebrew Philosophy at Oxford University.”
The translator turns to the judge and says: “Ehr zukt, ehr is Sir Chaim Ginsburg, ehr is tzwei und achtzig yur alt, und ehr is, mit sach Yiddish philisoph, areingekummen fun Oxford.”