We’ve had these before, I suspect.
Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him.
“And how do you find the English students, Donald?” she asked.
“Mother,” he replied, “they’re such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won’t stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night.”
“Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbours?”
“Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes.”
These came originally from my father:
For those who love ambiguity . . .
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, would it be considered a hostage situation?
Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all”?
What do you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.
Is it possible to have a civil war?
If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
At 85 years of age, Wally married Anna, a lovely 25-year-old.
Since her new husband is so old, Anna decides that after their wedding she and Wally should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may overexert himself if they spend the entire night together.
After the wedding festivities Anna prepares herself for bed and shortly after hears the expected “knock” on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Wally, her 85-year-old groom, ready for action.
They unite as one. All goes well, Wally takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Anna hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it’s Wally. Again he is ready for more “action”.
Somewhat surprised, Anna consents for more coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Wally kisses his bride, bids her a fond goodnight and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but — aha you guessed it — Wally is back again, rapping on the door, and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more “action”. And, once again they enjoy each other.
But as Wally gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, “I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Wally.”
Wally, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Anna and says, “You mean I was here already?”