One day a man passed by a farm and saw a beautiful horse. Hoping to buy the animal, he said to the farmer: “I think your horse looks pretty good, so I’ll give you $500 for him.”
“He doesn’t look good, and he’s not for sale,” the farmer said.
The man insisted, “I think he looks good and I’ll up the price to $1000!”
“He doesn’t look so good,” the farmer said, “but if you want him that much, he’s yours.”
The next day the man came back raging mad. He went up to the farmer and screamed, “You sold me a blind horse! You cheated me!”
The farmer calmly replied, “I told you he didn’t look so good, didn’t I?”
Maury and Pauly were in the barn, and Pauly was relating his quandry:
“I don’t know what decision I should make. I’m currently being pursued by a 23-year-old aspiring model who hasn’t got a dime to her name and also by a 69-year-old widow with bazillions of dollars.”
“Hmmm,” said Maury. “In your place, I wouldn’t hesitate a second. With your age and looks, it’s obvious that you’re never again in your lifetime going to get the attention of a 23-year-old, even if she is broke and only an aspiring model. What counts is youth and beauty. In your place, I’d send the old bat off and then set up housekeeping with that young beauty.”
“You’re right!” says Pauly. “It’s just amazing how friends can see the situation so clearly and offer such good advice.”
“No problem,” says Maury, “but, uhhh, could you give me that widow’s name and number?”
A guy was walking beside a pond when a frog jumped out and told him that she was really a beautiful princess and if he were to kiss her, she would make him VERY happy! He picked up the frog and put it into his pocket.
A few minutes later, the frog poked her head out and said, “Didn’t you hear me?! I’m a beautiful princess and if you kiss me I will stay with you and do ANYTHING you want!”
The guy took the frog out and said, “Look, I understand what you are saying, but I am a computer programmer and right now I don’t have time for a girlfriend,……..but a talking FROG is REALLY, REALLY COOL!”